IF MEDIUM WAS MY DIARY
In a fairy tale kind of way
Despite divorce rates being high, it has been estimated that due to the pandemic there has been a spike, with percentages like the 26.2% in Portugal and 42% in U.K. (please don’t rely on this data, I found it on random websites at midnight, even used the divorce mag), then there’s the Maldives, on the Guinness World Records as the highest divorce rate percentage in the world, it can be quite daunting for many in or out of love. Want unsolicited advice? Don’t get married in the Maldives (kidding).
Either way, I still believe that two can choose each other for life and survive the most difficult struggles, even if you make this life changing decision within or less than two years and before you move in together. It is true it can work, even between two imperfectly perfect individuals who choose each other before signing up to an electricity supply contract.
Sometimes when you know, you know.
The thought of divorce doesn’t scare me, and yes, the process isn’t pretty, and I definitely do not want to experience it. But that doesn’t stop me from rooting for new couples, long term couples, all of those taking the first step to the beginning of the rest of their lives.
Above it all, now that the lockdown is easing, and we are able to go back out, I am excited for all the adventures that awaits us, especially all the amazing experiences my partner and I will share together. And I must say, I am excited for all of those who will be getting married, and hopefully will be able to embrace their beloved without further delay.
I still believe that it’s possible to decide to share a toothbrush cup with another for life, without living together first, while sharing a space with another can be a difficult thing, the unknown makes everything scarier. Without compromise, sacrifice, communication, understanding and love you wouldn’t be able to live with family, what would make anyone think that living with someone you chose to be your companion for life would be easier?
And before you say anything, I am not oblivious to the fact that getting married is more than just storing socks together in the same drawer. To be honest, I would prefer to have separate drawers, but my ancestors were pretty clear on the buying matching socks legacy.
Humans are difficult, and I know that because I am one at times, one who’s not immune to first world problems like stressing for not finding the right snack for an afternoon movie marathon. Or a work-aholic who sometimes struggles to find balance between personal life and work, I am not immune to wet bathroom floor nuisances, after all I am human, but that doesn’t stop me from believing that two can choose each other and have common grounds, respect for each other’s individualities and together learn how to adapt to their new shared environment.
Accepting each other is more than just a ticking box exercise, she cooks, he cleans, she can bake, he can put together an IKEA wardrobe; no matter how many times it rains, it is not what you both can do that will keep you together, but your respect, commitment, communication, willingness to grow by understanding when to compromise and what to sacrifice, to keep you both healthy and safe, for the happiness of your union and sacred marital home.
Sometimes, I need a different kind of reassurance, a different kind of security, one that most probably think that it can only be found in movies.
Sometimes, I need the “we are in this together” kind of certainty, the kind that comes with a different type of commitment.
No matter how scared, when you choose each other, you achieve a different level of certainty, stability and security.
In one way or other marriages are potentially becoming a thing of the past, less common, and cohabitation is now more sought after, easier to commit for many, a form of vetting process for others. But as my grandmother would say, nothing can prepare you to forever, don’t wait many years to choose each other, as life isn’t guaranteed even for those who wait. You can live together before marriage, and only face certain relationship struggles after meeting each other at the altar, there are things you can’t prepare for. In your marriage, you will learn and grow together.
Allegedly, 18% get divorce due to infidelity and 44% due to incompatibility, you can’t plan or prepare for infidelity, that’s something that hopefully won’t happen to you but if it does together without the opinion of the world you two will decide what’s best for each other, now when it comes to incompatibility, I don’t encourage marriage for those who don’t have similar values, morals and believe in each other. If you don’t believe in your partners capability, you will struggle to respect them, if you are solely signing up to benefit from physical features then you are in for disaster, choose your forever, for the right reasons, choose the forever who will work with you and not against you.
I am the type who cries at wedding scenes, yep, tears, saliva, mucus, the lot, add the unknown and I will be bawling. I love the purity of when two marry before living together, not knowing what to expect but being willing to invest in each other. Either way, choose what works for both of you.
I was planning to end this here, but here’s some words for those marrying this year:
When the day comes, if it’s all new to both
Without a doubt, you will be nervous
After this special day, you will be each other’s shelter
You will share more than just a roof
You will share the pillars of your new life together
When you see each other, you may not know what to say
Be patient with one another, no matter how long it takes
Don’t be scared to cry, to the vision of the most beautiful bride
Don’t be surprised if you gasp, he will be the most handsome without a try
Before you remove her veil, remember she’s yours to protect
When putting his ring on, remember that from now you will see him more and more, even at his more vulnerable state
He is scared, and so are you, in the box he holds
You will see your new life unfold
When he tells your Dad, that he wants to marry his daughter
Understand that he has chosen you to be by his side, not another
It will be hard, it will be challenging
Together you will grow, and with commitment you will be there until old
I love love, for this reason today’s motto is: “I am my beloved, and my beloved is mine.” — Bible (Cânticos 6), I am beyond grateful for the man I have in my life.
Maybe I should have started this with “Dear Diary”, I guess I am truly feeling in a fairy tale kind of way.
Happy 1st of April 2021